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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29930019">The Last Summer</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/canpru/pseuds/canpru'>canpru</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Last Summer [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hetalia: Axis Powers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Car Accidents, F/F, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Impulse Control, Loss of Parent(s), Loss of Siblings, Loss of Trust, M/M, Minor Character Death, Misgendering, Multi, Other, Reckless Driving, Sexual Content, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Teen Pregnancy, Trans Canada (Hetalia), Trans Prussia (Hetalia), Trans South Italy (Hetalia), Unplanned Pregnancy, Verbal Abuse, deadnaming, impulsive thoughts / actions, nonbinary!belarus, nonbinary!spain</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:09:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,850</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29930019</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/canpru/pseuds/canpru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Matthew isn't ready to grow up, but it seems everyone around him is. His nineteenth birthday isn't far away, and he still doesn't know what he wants out of life. But, why be so scared? He's still young isn't he? He still has plenty of time to grow up and find out what he wants. He used to think that too, until even his own brother seemed to be much farther ahead in their lives than Matthew ever thought he could be. Everyone else has stable jobs, everyone else is going to college, everyone else is falling in love and ready to settle down. Everyone else seems to know what they're doing, everyone but Matthew. At least, that's what he believes. </p><p>A vent fic I started writing a month ago to cope with the fact I am only turning twenty, but all the possible lives I could live seem to be slipping past my finger tips. I hope it helps all of you who feel the same way as I do, especially those of us who are older, see that not everyone is so well put together as we think. May we all have the best of luck from this day forward.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Canada/Prussia (Hetalia), England/France (Hetalia), South Italy/Spain (Hetalia), multiple France/England versions</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Last Summer [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2236347</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi! As you've seen in the summary, this is a vent fic. Much like my Haikyuu!! fic, this is very personal to me so most characters will seem off probably. Also, know that I love pointless dialogue and a lot of interactions are based on my own experiences with my friends and family. As well as the "group chat", haha. See if you can guess what app they're using. :)</p><p>This isn't finished, in fact no where near it. However, I am not very good at writing chapter fanfics, I haven't since I was fourteen. But, the second chapter is started on and maybe this will encourage me to actually sit down and finish it. Maybe this will also be a learning chance for me as I tend to give information very fast and don't really like writing slow scenes haha. Critique is welcome, but I don't imagine I will go back and edit chapters much other than spelling and grammar!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>No one was surprised when Matthew and Alfred started working together. They were twins after all, and everyone always teased them about how they were “attached at the hip” or something. Matthew tried not to listen, not that he wanted to be rude or anything. It’s just that, he hated being known as Alfred’s twin, instead of his own person. </p><p> </p><p>Matthew wasn’t anything like his twin brother. Alfred was popular, the funny kid in every one of his classes. He was the one that could make you laugh on your worst days, and the one who you wanted so desperately to become close to. However, Alfred wasn’t really the emotional type and didn’t really become close with anyone he knew. Not even Matthew. </p><p> </p><p>There seemed to be this idea that twins had to be the others soulmate. That they knew everything about each other , and were the only ones who could truly understand the other. That they were even close enough to make their own language or feel each other’s pain, if you wanted to believe something so silly. </p><p> </p><p>In all honesty, the two didn’t really know each other. At least Alfred surely didn’t know anything about Matthew.</p><p> </p><p>That didn’t mean he loved Alfred any less, but he wished everyone would understand it was only because it would be easier for them both to go to work at the same time, not that he was <em> following </em>his twin everywhere. </p><p> </p><p>In the end, there was no need to tell you all this. There was no reason for you to know all these details. But, you do now. Why? Because it made Matthew look a lot better than if you were to know what he really wanted to say. </p><p> </p><p>The truth was, Matthew <em> hated </em>working with his twin brother. </p><p> </p><p>Matthew had finished his last year of high school early, they both did actually. Still, that meant they had about seven months until either would start college. For the first two, they boys didn’t do much of anything and their mother definitely wasn’t happy about it. She had told them they had to either apply to college early or get a job. </p><p> </p><p>They choose to get a job at a grocery store that wasn’t a very far walk from their home. Both promising they’d only be working until college started that September.</p><p> </p><p>It was a year later now, both were eighteen and had definitely not gone to college that September. Their mother tried her best not to complain. At least, not too much. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s only April.” Alfred had said a year ago. “We have plenty of time to decide what we wanna go for! Let’s just enjoy the fact we have our own money for right now.” </p><p> </p><p>“It’s already April.” Alfred said now, as the two boys made their way to his car. “Have you decided what you wanna go for yet?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll figure it out.” Matthew mumbled, secretly wishing he could avoid the conversation all together. For a moment he wished he could melt into a puddle and not have to think about it ever again.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I can’t start without you. Who will I copy answers off of?” </p><p> </p><p>“I’m not going to be a mechanic, Alfred.” Matthew said as the two fastened their seatbelts. “I think it’s a perfect choice for you, I could always call you to make sure I’m not being scammed by my mechanic.” </p><p> </p><p>“I couldn’t imagine you learning to drive, you make me order your food for you.”</p><p> </p><p>“And I never thought you’d actually get your license considering the way <em> you </em> drive.”</p><p> </p><p>“I could kick you out right now, you know.” </p><p> </p><p>Matthew could only let out a chuckle as he reached for his phone. </p><p> </p><p><em> “I hope I didn’t miss too much.” </em>He thought as he signed in.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: I'm a little catboy meow</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: I’ll give you a tongue bath </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>toniopepronio: is that a threat or a promise</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: a promise, you sexy beast</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>lovino: wtf is happening in here</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>nat: @lovino come get him</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>nat: oh lmao nvm</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>fake french man: good morning guys </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>fake french man: STIP CHANGING MY NAME U HEATHENS</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: It’s literally two in the afternoon</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Francis: whatever </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>tomato: like u can say anything Gilbert I’m surprised you woke up before 5pm today</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>tomato: @toniopepronio i will fucking kill you</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p><em> “I guess not.” </em>He thought as he smiled to himself.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>matty b: I just got off work if you guys still wanted to hang out later @everyone </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>lovino: okay who changed his name </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>toniopepronio: @Francis </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Francis: @Gil</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: @nat</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: WHAT THE </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>nat: huh </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>nat: oh I might be able to tonight I have to run errands with my sister </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>matty b: aww can’t you get out of it?</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>nat: no sorry. you try to kill yourself one time and now you can’t ever be alone :/ </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>nat: it was so embarrassing to wake up in that hospital </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>lovino: maybe you shouldn’t have tried to kill yourself with a bottle of melatonin </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>nat: your best friend tried to kill himself by drinking listerine </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>matty b: WHAT’D I DO WHY AM I BEING BROUGHT UP &gt;:(</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>toniopepronio: listerine ? why?</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>fatty: LOL </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>fatty: @toniopepronio WTF LEAVE MY NAME ALONE </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>toniopepronio: I DIDNT DO IT D:</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Francis: I did, don’t make fun of my son </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: remember when you tried to kill yourself by drowning yourself and the bag of rocks you were gonna use to weigh yourself down broke and you had to walk to my house because you told your mom you were sleeping over lol @toniopepronio</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>lovino: your deadname starts with a J what makes you think you can make fun of everyone </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>matty b: big talk for someone who posted “I’m not like other girls” quotes until they were 15 and realized they weren’t a girl </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>lovino: I will leave again. </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>nat: guys have you ever seen a photo of people interlocking toes </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: what the </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“You know,” Alfred began, “mom doesn’t like how much you talk to those friends of yours.” </p><p> </p><p>Matthew could only roll his eyes. “We’re gonna be nineteen in July, and I pay for my phone. It’s not like she can do anything about it but kick me out.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah but you didn’t start acting weird until you met Lovino.” Alfred mumbled.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe you guys didn’t notice because I met him when I was thirteen. I was a kid, of course I’ve changed a lot.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah but you didn’t start doing stupid stuff like hurting yourself or acting like you’re depressed.” </p><p> </p><p>Matthew only let out a laugh. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m serious, Violet. We used to get along, you didn’t used to be so <em> sensitive. </em>” </p><p> </p><p>God, Matthew hated that name. He hated it with every fiber of his being. Matthew had not been ‘Violet’ for a very long time. Some days he wondered if he ever really was this portrayal of a perfect happy child his mother and brother painted him to be. </p><p> </p><p>‘Violet’ died off long ago in his eyes. Their names were the only thing their father had left them before he ran off. While Matthew was glad Alfred seemed pleased with his, he just couldn’t seem to agree. </p><p> </p><p>Even without all the pain the name gave him, it certainly didn’t fit him. Not since he discovered who he really was.</p><p> </p><p>“Who said we didn’t get along?” Matthew forced out, refusing to look up at Alfred. “We can get along when you’re not defending mom for the way she treated us growing up.” </p><p> </p><p>“Mom made mistakes but so did you. Remember when you almost got taken away because you said mom was <em> verbally abusing you? </em> You know much trouble she could have gotten in?” </p><p> </p><p>“I was fourteen! I was just telling the truth and venting to my <em> therapist. </em>” </p><p> </p><p>“Look.” Alfred let out a sigh. “I don’t want to fight. I just want you to be safe. I know you’re a kind person, and you wanna help these people. But, they only drag you down. And you know what mom thinks.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? Do tell me. What is it? That she thinks I’m <em> confused? </em> Right?.” Matthew was starting to feel sick to his stomach. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t agree with her, so don’t try to make me look like the bad guy.” Alfred had finally raised his voice. “I don’t think you’re confused. I don’t think it matters if you like girls or boys or whatever. But, you do have to live with her for now.”</p><p> </p><p>“I understand that. But, I don’t understand why you have to scold me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not scolding you! I just-”</p><p> </p><p>“Then what was the point of this conversation?!” </p><p> </p><p>“Violet, I don’t know what you want me to say.” Alfred finally said. “Mom yells at me all the time, because of you. Because of how you stay locked up in that room of yours and don’t speak to her. Because you ceased to function the moment we moved and you couldn’t see your therapist anymore. But, I deal with it because I care about you. I don’t mind if you’re friends with them. But, I miss my sister. I miss the happy go lucky, kind girl I grew up with who always had a smile on her face. I miss when you weren’t so angry all the time.”</p><p> </p><p>Matthew only continued to stare out the window, biting his lip so a sob wouldn’t slip past his lips. Alfred must have felt bad, because he continued.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe you should come with me when our coworkers invite us out again. Hang out with people in real life, actually get out?” Alfred tried. “Just give it some thought okay.” </p><p> </p><p><em> “Those boys invite you, not me. They don’t even like me.” </em>Matthew wanted to say, but he only stayed silent. </p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t like Matthew minded it very much. He was one of the only few “women” who worked there, and had never been very outgoing growing up. It wasn’t like he never had friends, but they never really stayed around. Not until Lovino. </p><p> </p><p>Lovino and Matthew had met when Matthew had only been thirteen. It was on some game the  two had long since stopped playing, but back then it was their only way to communicate. That was before Matthew was introduced to the very large world of online chatting apps two months later. They had been very different people back then, with very different names too. </p><p> </p><p>Lovino had been the first person to listen to Matthew, and help him understand, for the lack of better words,  why he didn’t really like the girl he saw in the mirror. Lovino had been the first person to accept Matthew when he came out as well. And two years later, Matthew was able to help Lovino understand why he seemed to relate to so much of his own advice. </p><p> </p><p>The two had been inseparable since they met it seemed, the pair sticking together through every old friend group they had grown apart from. Many times, they were the only two the other had. </p><p> </p><p>Then came Antonio. </p><p> </p><p>Antonio had actually met Lovino first, a bit after Matthew had turned fifteen. However, Lovino had yet to introduce Antonio for at least six months. Once the three had finally connected, the duo was turned into a trio. After he and Lovino had begun dating, Antonio had introduced Francis and Gilbert to the group.  But, for a long time Matthew was only very close with Antonio and Lovino. That was until the official group chat had been made when Matthew was sixteen. </p><p> </p><p>Natalya was the last to join, but they had appeared only a few months after the group had gotten settled in with each other. Natalya had actually dated Antonio in the past, but the pair had not dated very long and had stayed on and off again friends until Natalya was invited to the group. </p><p> </p><p>Matthew happily believed the family they had built had not been complete until they had arrived, and Natalya didn’t like to admit how special it made them feel. </p><p> </p><p>Matthew would describe every relationship he had with everyone as very unique. Lovino knew absolutely everything about him, and was truly his favorite person in the whole wide world. If there was ever a day the two didn’t speak at least once, you could tell by how down the two would seem. Antonio had been nothing but a ball of sunshine in everyone’s lives. Though, he had always taken on a big brother role when it came to Matthew due to the fact at the time he was the youngest of the group. Not that Natalya wanted to be the youngest, being only born a month after Matthew.</p><p> </p><p>Antonio, Francis, and Gilbert had been childhood friends. Years ago, Francis had to move states away and now had been closer to Matthew than even Lovino was. Still, other than those three, none of them had ever met face to face. </p><p> </p><p>Francis took on a more fatherly role with Matthew, being the oldest in the group he seemed to be the person everyone looked up to. He was still in school studying culinary arts, and had already taken over his father’s bakery at the age of twenty. Matthew had once asked him why he was still studying if he already was going to be just fine. But, Francis had always wanted to be a chef, and said he could still put his knowledge to use. It seemed out of everyone, he had life figured out the most.</p><p> </p><p>Matthew had no plans for college, and his nineteenth birthday was on it’s way. Natalya was not far behind, but was already in college. Though, Matthew could never remember what they were studying. Mostly because they wouldn’t tell anyone. Lovino had just turned nineteen and worked in his father’s restaurant, but had no real plans for school. Though, he always said one day he’d move away and his twin brother would be happy to take over the restaurant. Antonio, who had just turned twenty, was studying to be a nurse. His parents had worked in hospitals, and so had all his grandparents. If you asked him if he really wanted to be a nurse, he’d only laugh and then change the subject. Lovino had told him to live for himself so many times Matthew had lost count. Still, he didn’t exactly seem unhappy. Gilbert had probably the weirdest life at the moment. </p><p> </p><p>His grandfather had raised him and his younger brother, Ludwig, since the younger boy had been a baby. Originally, Gilbert had wanted to be a police officer, but was sure he wouldn’t want that now. However, Ludwig had passed away a few years ago, leaving their grandfather and Gilbert heart broken. So, Gilbert was the only one who would inherit his grandfather’s fortune and company one day. Mostly he was just learning and getting ready for when the time came, hoping he’d be a smart business man by then. However, he was never one to sit still, and also worked at some game shop Matthew had never heard of for now. </p><p> </p><p>Gilbert and Matthew were pretty close, when they had met Matthew had just been getting over his grandfather’s death and the two had bonded and helped each other deal with their grief. Lovino had said if it hadn’t been for that, the two wouldn’t have become close so fast. Which Matthew had to agree with since Gilbert was loud and overwhelming at times and Matthew was quiet and awkward until you got to know him. Well, at least he stopped being quiet. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey..” Alfred said, waking Matthew from his thoughts. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah..?”</p><p> </p><p>“Did I tell you about what I found in mom’s room last night?” </p><p> </p><p>“Is it...ya know?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my God.” </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, the frustration was gone and it was like the argument had never occurred. This was how all their conflicts seemed to end, not that Matthew minded. It came with the territory of being stuck living with someone for eighteen years. </p><p> </p><p>Honestly, Matthew preferred it this way.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter has sexual themes, and inappropriate conversations with parents and their children.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Word of advice from me. Never ever work in a restaurant.” Lovino sighed as he settled into his seat. </p><p> </p><p>“Did you have a nice shower, at least?” Antonio asked, the sound of his keyboard clicks quieting down as he took a deep breath. “I wish I chose to be a Spanish teacher or something. I haven’t been in bed before two in the morning in months.” </p><p> </p><p>“You could drop out.” Matthew joked, earning a mumbled agreement from Lovino. “Or you know, get your work done earlier.” </p><p> </p><p>“He works ahead actually, can’t imagine why.” </p><p> </p><p>“I like spending time with you guys!” Antonio cooed. “I just wish we all had the same days off.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you see what Nat said earlier? They’re gonna start working with their brother soon.” Lovino added. “It’s a shame it’s not really their choice. I think Kat is a sweetheart but she is smothering poor Nat.” </p><p> </p><p>“I think it’ll be good for them, they told me earlier they’re excited to have their own money. Though, I don’t know how much they’d make.” Matthew thought for a moment before he continued. “I know their brother works in a shop like I do.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ivan.” The three purred evilly before letting out a laugh. </p><p> </p><p>The sound of a small ping caught Mattew’s attention. </p><p> </p><p>“Who joined?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ivan, he heard us.” Lovino joked.</p><p>Matthew shook his head before checking the chat.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Gilbert.” Antonio said before Matthew could. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: !play scary noises </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: wtf </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: HELLO?</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>“The bot is down, love.” Antonio said with a laugh. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: what the </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: whatever goodnight &gt;:( </em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>With another small ding, he was gone. </p><p> </p><p>“I wish he’d stop doing that. Last time he played an alarm sound while I was sleeping. Not that he knew but...still was very mean.” Lovino mumbled. </p><p> </p><p>“You can’t imagine how much I panicked.” Antonio added. </p><p> </p><p>“Remember when he joined and played the ABC’s song when Nat was in here crying and venting to us and Francis?” </p><p> </p><p>“I think he still feels bad, but it did make them laugh.” </p><p> </p><p>“Violet.”</p><p> </p><p>Silence fell as Matthew turned his head. There stood his mother, a frown painted oh so delicately on her face. </p><p> </p><p>Catherine Kirkland was a beautiful woman, always looking younger than she was even now. She had been quite the dame in her younger days, always having a handsome young man at her side. That was until her last year in highschool when a new student, her husband to be, ended up in most of her classes. Arthur, the man who had fallen so hard for her he even took her last name.</p><p> </p><p>His mother had told him the story more times than he could count. When she wasn’t sober that was. But, she had never finished it.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur had been obsessed with Catherine from the moment he met her. At first she found it annoying, pathetic even. But, then he became the first person to call her father the same horrible things she did. Somehow, it led to a wedding and children. </p><p> </p><p>Then, his mother would sober up and tell him that his father was good for nothing and left her to raise twin babies on her own. She’d tell him there was a reason there was always a missing piece in all their photographs. Matthew always tried to slip away after that. </p><p> </p><p>“Violet. Didn’t you hear me calling you?” She asked, her stare suddenly making Matthew feel small. </p><p> </p><p>“No. I’m sorry.” He said, trying to look anywhere but in her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“Where’s your brother?” </p><p> </p><p>The question was unexpected, feeling him with a sense of relief. </p><p> </p><p><em> “Oh, she’s not upset with ME.” </em>He thought to himself. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since dinner. Did you try calling him?” </p><p> </p><p>“No, Violet. No, I didn’t try that. Clearly I’m stupid right?” His mother was becoming even more annoyed now. </p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t say…” Matthew decided it wasn’t worth arguing over. “Do you want me to call him?”</p><p> </p><p>“Call who?” </p><p> </p><p>Their mother turned her head to see Alfred, the very person she had been looking for. </p><p> </p><p>“Where were you?” She asked, looking off somewhere Matthew couldn’t see.</p><p>“Showering? I hopped in a bit late.” Matthew wondered if Alfred looked as confused as he sounded.</p><p> </p><p>“That long? What the fuck were you doing? Jacking off?” </p><p> </p><p>“Mom!” The twins spat in usion. Matthew could hear his cat, Kuma, jump off his bed behind him. Probably to hide under it, something Matthew wished he could do. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m gonna go.” Matthew said, trying to ignore his family’s bickering as Lovino let out a snicker. </p><p> </p><p>As Matthew left the call, he could hear his brother’s footsteps fading away from his room. His mother didn’t move an inch. </p><p> </p><p>“We’ll, we found him.” Matthew said as he shut his laptop. </p><p> </p><p>“You two don’t think I’m stupid do you? I know what you guys do in there.” His mother continued, sounding disgusted. </p><p> </p><p>“Uhm, can we not talk about this? That’s his business not mine.” Matthew could feel his face turning red. It wasn’t like this was something new for him to hear his mother talk about. In fact, she even talked about it with guests. Matthew often wondered if she was just unaware how weird it was or if she enjoyed embarrassing her kids. He assumed it was the latter. </p><p> </p><p>“I would assume you enjoy it since that’s all you two ever seem to do. Never helping me clean up the apartment or anything.” She said, turning off Matthew’s light. “Wasting my electricity like you guys pay for it.” </p><p> </p><p>Matthew chose not to reply, taking off his glasses and setting them on his desk. It was easier if he just kept his mouth shut. She’d either excuse herself or claim no one ever listened to her and stomp away ‘talking to herself’. Always making sure she was being loud enough for her twins to hear.</p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t always like this. Sometimes she could joke around, filling the whole car with laughs. Sometimes things could be normal and they could have dinner together once in a while. Sometimes she would come home with little things that reminded her of her twins. As time went on those things became clothes and little knick knacks instead of small toys or books. Matthew had begun to miss them, most put away in storage after their latest move.  </p><p> </p><p>Sometimes things would be okay, but other times she was different. She’d argue just to argue. A wrong response to her jokes could end in an argument that lasted the entire day. Some days she’d choose to ignore Alfred and Matthew out of nowhere. </p><p> </p><p>“Your mother has a lot of anger in her heart, and sometimes it gets difficult to keep it bottled up.” His grandfather would always assure him everytime Matthew found himself on his doorstep. “All we can do is be patient.” </p><p> </p><p>Matthew had started getting sick of being patient. </p><p> </p><p>The slam of his own door brought him back to reality. Taking a deep breath, he hurried to look under his bed. There sat Kuma, his eyes wide as his ears slowly began to rise again. </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry about that, baby boy.” Matthew whispered, reaching an arm under his bed to stroke Kuma’s head. “Wanna lay down?” </p><p> </p><p>Kuma only turned over, encouraging Matthew to pet him on his chin. </p><p> </p><p>“Alright, Kuma. Bedtime it is.” Matthew chuckled, sitting up. </p><p> </p><p>Unplugging his phone, Matthew made his way into bed. Waiting a moment for Kuma to pop his head out, he lifted the blanket and smiled as Kuma jumped into bed.</p><p> </p><p>“Goodnight buddy.” He said as Kuma began to purr, placing his paws on Matthew’s stomach to begin his nightly kneading session. Matthew hurried to unlock his phone. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>lovi: did you get in much trouble? </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: huh who’s in trouble </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>lovi: u since you cant behave in vc</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>French: what happened </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>French: please leave my name alone omg </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: i tried to play scary sounds in the vc so lovi called me a slut</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: slur</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>lovi: WHAT</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>tonytigar: matthew’s mom yelled at him</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>French: why this time? :-/</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>tonytigar: who tried to change my name but couldnt spell tiger </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: uh goodnight guys &lt;3 </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>French: you’re supposed to be sleeping @tonio @Gil</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: I was gonna sleep but I have gen unmuted and was worried </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>tonio: im gonna sleep on call with lovi he’s switching to his phone</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: is matt okay btw </em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Matthew couldn’t help but smile. He hated making his friends worry, but it was nice to know they still cared enough to.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>mattie: I’m okay!! She was just being weird. But, I didn’t know when she’d go away and Kuma needed to cuddle. You all are supposed to be sleeping anyways.</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>tonio: what about you?</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>lovi: babe im in the call also matt and I don’t work tomorrow </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>matt: tomorrow is saturday lovi</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>lovi: ….</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>lovi: oh my fucking god</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>tonio: bedtime for us then! I’ll just mute and finish this assignment and then I’ll lay down. Goodnight everyone !!</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>lovi: goodnight guys even though i sent messages earlier </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>matt: goodnight ily both!</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>lovi: love ya bitch</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>tonio: we love you!</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: do u guys love me </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>lovi: die</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>tonio: yes!</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>tonio: NOOOO</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gil: goodnight everyone im tired af </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>French: I should have been asleep hours ago goodnight everyone </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>matt: oh okay! Goodnight everyone!</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Matthew immediately felt empty as he closed the app. It made him feel guilty. It wasn’t anyone else’s fault he didn’t work everyday and everyone else was always so busy. It wasn’t anyone’s fault he stayed up late every night and woke up even later because the night’s silence brought thoughts that made him feel sick to his stomach. It wasn’t anyone’s fault he hated being alone. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but his that he didn’t have any other friends. </p><p> </p><p>It wasn't like anyone would be upset if he woke them up if he needed someone that badly. They would never scold him for it. Still, Matthew knew everyone would be far too busy tomorrow to risk being tired. He also knew that they only ever told him that to be kind.</p><p>Of course that was the only reason. Right?</p><p> </p><p><em> “I guess we can see what’s on YouTube for tonight.” </em> He thought to himself as he checked the time. <em> “I’ll be asleep by two.”  </em></p><p> </p><p>It was six when Matthew got his next notifications.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>natpat: @matt go the fuck to bed i know damn well you don’t wake up this early</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>natpat: WHO THE FUCK MESSED WITH MY NAME @everyone</em> </b>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Matthew and Alfred go for a drive.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, there might be a few spelling mistakes for Matthew's mother name throughout this. I promise if I see them I will go back and fix them! But the correct spelling is Catherine. C-A-T-H-E-R-I-N-E !! My laptop doesn't like how long the fic is so far, and lags a lot. So, it's hard to see my notes sometimes and I've always had issues with spelling, haha. I apologize in advance.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I don’t know why you dragged me out with you so you could buy shoes.” Matthew yawned as rubbed his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because if I don’t you’ll eventually want to go to the store anyways, and this way I save gas and get you out of the house.” Alfred said from the front seat. “And please at least buckle up, if we get pulled over and they see you’re just laying in the back seat I’ll get a ticket.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s only ten dollars.” Matthew mumbled as he sat up in his seat and compiled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It goes on </span>
  <em>
    <span>MY </span>
  </em>
  <span>driving record and it’s my responsibility to keep all my passengers safe.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay. Sorry.” Matthew sighed. “Can I sit in the front?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re almost at the bank, you can change seats after that.” Alfred assured as he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. “If we make it there. I wish people would learn how to drive.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matthew tried to hide his smirk. It wasn’t like it was funny that his poor brother was always nervous behind the wheel. Sometimes Matthew couldn’t help feel bad for him, especially since he knew he wouldn’t be much different. But, it was definitely something the two loved to tease each other about. When the car was parked, of course. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How much do you want me to take out?” Alfred asked, reaching his arm back as Matthew unbuckled his seat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mmm...take two hundred out. I’ll leave a little bit in there and put some in my savings later.” Most people would think Matthew was too trusting, since his brother would be allowed to hold his debit card and knew his passcode. But, Matthew and Alfred had known each other’s passwords since they had started working. After all, they knew where each other lived if anything ever went wrong! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Alfred left the car, Matthew made his way to the passenger seat and sat down with a huff, pulling out his phone as soon as he buckled up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s see what everyone is up to.” He mumbled to himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>nat: where’s matthew and lovino?</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>tonio: lovino just woke up and went to shower he’ll be back soon idk if matt is up yet</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Gil: it’s 2pm and he works at 5</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>nat: does matthew work too :((</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you have anything in your bank?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit.” Matthew whispered. “Don’t sneak up on me like that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Answer the question.” Alfred sounded quite disappointed as he handed Matthew his money and debit card back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I should have like eighty. Don’t I?” Matthew clicked his tongue as he looked over his receipt. “I still have money in here, liar.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Only eighty bucks? Violet, I know we didn’t work much this week but you should have way more. We didn’t go shopping lately.” Alfred groaned as he slammed his door shut. “Don’t tell me you wasted more money online shopping.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have some in my savings!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really? How much?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uhm..thirty.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Violet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t realize you were becoming mom.” Matthew mumbled as he shoved his wallet back in his pocket. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just want you to be smart with your money. I know you pay your bills first, and I know you would do anything if there was an emergency with Kuma. But, you need to learn how to save your money if you ever wanna move out or drive.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t wanna drive.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alfred only sighed in response. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look,” Matthew began, “I’m gonna start saving. I already paid my bills, my subscriptions don’t run out until next month. I won’t touch my bank at all other than to move my money into savings, promise.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re a very smart girl, Violet.” Matthew bit his lip and moved his attention back to his phone. “Just be careful, okay?  Don’t be wasting all your money.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry too much about me, I’ll survive.” Matthew promised, trying to ignore the sick feeling in his stomach. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matthew used to be so good when he was younger. It used to be so easy to save money. Especially since as someone who couldn’t drive and didn’t work, it was hard to get it in the first place. But, that was until Matthew finally got his hands on a debit card, and two weeks of work led to hundreds of dollars on good days. It was hard to resist spoiling yourself when you know how hard you worked for your money. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Growing up, Matthew and Alfred always had food on the table. But, their mother didn’t work. They received money from the government growing up, and their mother still did. The boys helped their mother now of course, but that meant she was getting even less now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their mother was not perfect, but she’d rather die than see her kids without food and clothes. She took care of them always, but she also had a bad spending habit herself. Spending money the second she had it, instead of saving it. Most of the time it was on important things, but Matthew knew all too well that sometimes you need to treat yourself or you’d go insane. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their mother had struggled for years with debit at one time, things were better now. The move changed and brought a lot of new things to their lives. Matthew was still coming to terms with it, he lived a different life than the sixteen year old boy he used to be before the news came and his mother decided it was time for something new. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh my God, I never replied to Natalya!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Matthew could feel his heart begin to race.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>lovi: NAT GET IN HERE</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>matt: hey sorry i saw your message earlier but i got distracted @nat ! alfred made me come with him to the store but I’m free till Wednesday. </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>matt: good afternoon lovino lol</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>nat: IM COMING ALSO HI MATT ITS OKAY</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Francis: hi guys just dropping by to say i'm muting the gc until i'm out of school! But dm me if there's anything you kiddos need, I just need to focus. </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Gil: I’ll tell Antonio, he went to take a nap </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>matt: okay see ya later dad, love you </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Francis: &lt;3</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Gil: gross</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>France: I will kill u </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>lovi: NAT I CANT HEAR U </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>nat: try undeafening dumbass</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>lovi: oh</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>lovi: die</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Gil: can i join later? I’m also heading to the shop </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>nat: yeah im gonna want someones company and matt might not be back until lovi leaves </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>matt: I’ll try and hurry home! what are we gonna do</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>nat: ovw until you or gil join </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Gil: ew pc ovw </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>lovi: die </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Gil: makes out with you</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>nat: GOODBYE GIL ILY MATTHEW SEE YA ON LATER</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>lovi: EW</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matthew couldn’t help but let out a chuckle as he turned his phone off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, what are you gonna want?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” Matthew finally looked up, having not realized they had stopped. “When the fuck did we get to McDonald’s?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re almost up so tell me fast.” Alfred laughed. “Or I’m gonna make you order it yourself. Just don’t order too much cause I’m paying.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What counts as too much?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why, fatass? How much do you want?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, order it yourself then.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“ALFRED.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>:I’m KIDDING. I know what you’re gonna ask for, don’t worry about it.” Alfred’s cocky smile only made Matthew roll his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you plan on eating and driving?” Matthew asked as Alfred moved forward. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll go by the lake or something. Nothing else special about this shitty city.” Alfred mumbled. “Now, shush. I’m next.” Matthew let out a small laugh before doing as he was told. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was true after all. They hadn’t moved cities when he was sixteen, so that meant both boys had grown up in this city and knew everything about it. Sure, there were parks. Downtown there were some shops, and some buildings that changed every few years. Though, other than a few museums the twins had seen plenty of times in their school years, there wasn’t much to do growing up. Other than going to the lake and taking trips to Walmart at one in the morning to just walk around. Nothing like the way his friends described their cities. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here.” Alfred said as he tossed the torn bag into Matthew’s lap. “Make sure the drinks don’t fall.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whatever you say, you paid after all.” Matthew said as he dug in the bag. “Nuggets, nice. Hungry?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just feed me some fries.” Alfred said before letting out a gasp. “Holy shit, LEARN TO DRIVE!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was my ear.” Matthew teased, bringing the handful of fries closer to his brother’s face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Am I supposed to eat out of your hand like a horse?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lick my hand and I’ll grab the steering wheel and make us crash.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Insane of you to think I won’t kill us both right now.” Alfred barely forced out, covering his mouth. “Sorry, mouth full.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You sound like mom.” Matthew laughed as he wiped his hand on his jeans. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The voice or the way I drive?” Alfred asked, clearing his throat. “Because I happen to think I sound very manly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The things you say while driving.” Matthew reached inside the bag and let out a laugh. “Well, the fries are spilled, you better be ready to share the bag.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nah, I drive much safer than she did.” Alfred thought to himself for a moment before letting out a laugh. “Wanna see my impersonation of her?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I g-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Should I hit this car?”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before Matthew could reply, Alfred swerved the car causing Matthew to let out a small yell. Alfred could only cackle as he continued to drive normally as if both boys hadn’t lost years off their lives just now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For someone who’s so nervous when they drive, you’re pretty fucking crazy.” Matthew forced out as he settled back into his seat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I did tell you I was gonna impersonate her. She used to do that too, and we loved it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We were also like, fourteen.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alfred only smiled back in response. Matthew couldn’t help but smile along with him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re so dumb.” Matthew joked, continuing to dig in the bag. “This isn’t the way to the lake by the way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I decided we should eat in the parking lot instead. I’m just really excited to go to the store, ya know?” Alfred’s tone sounded like he was joking, but Matthew wasn’t quite sure.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would say you’re fucking with me, but we are going for some fucking shoes. Knowing you, you could be dead serious.” Matthew rolled his eyes. “Or maybe you just love Walmart that much.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Crazy of you to think I’m so broke I buy Walmart shoes.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh sorry, I should have known you were a Foot Locker boy. Very classy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For the record we’re going to the MALL.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matthew’s smile fell. “Since when does mom let us go out of the city without her? It’s not like it’s that far off, it’s right next door I know. But, are we hiding this from her?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, she knows where I’m going.” Alfred seemed just as confused as Matthew was. “She trusts me with you. I would hope so since we’re siblings.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It;s not really about me. She won’t even let me walk down the street without one of you. Since when does she let YOU leave the city?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Violet, I go to the mall by myself all the time. I don’t understand what the issue is?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matthew only let out a sigh, turning to look out the window. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think you’d care. I’m bringing you this time aren’t I?” Alfred really didn’t get it, and it wasn’t even his fault. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their mother had kept her twins on a tight leash growing up. No sleep overs, no friends over, phone checks whenever she pleased until the two were sixteen, no after school activities, no parties, no trick or treating, no dates, not even any phone calls unless you told her who you were talking to. The two had begged for jobs long before they graduated and only got them so they didn’t spend all their time at home doing nothing. But, after a certain age she only started applying these rules to Matthew, until even more came out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No walking alone anywhere, if he walked off in the store he’d have to either go with Alfred or be ready to answer his phone anytime. He had to be out the door after a minute of texting his mother he was done at work on nights he worked alone. No practicing driving, but he had to learn one day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It made his head hurt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you seriously mad at me?” Alfred finally asked as the car came to it’s last stop.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not mad at all.” Matthew said, and it was true. He wasn’t mad, just annoyed and exhausted with all the rules. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can tell you’re crabby.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just hungry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then eat. The foods right here.” Alfred said, forcing a laugh. Matthew handed Alfred the bag in his lap before moving to undo his seatbelt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you feel better if we stop by some stores you like?” Alfred tried, his eyes set on his food instead of his twin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t think of anything other than the game store.” Matthew mumbled as Alfred handed the bag back, this time only with Matthew’s share of the food in it. “I’m glad we’re eating now. That whole place smells like clay.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I happen to think clay smells nice.” Alfred joked as poured a handful of fries in his mouth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They closed down most of those stores anyway.” Matthew continued, reaching in to grab a handful of his own meal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, we could stop by the photo booth.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They still HAVE that?” Matthew laughed, his frustration slowly melting away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Quality is just as bad as we remember it.” Alfred added. “I still have the one with us and mom when we were twelve.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have the one with us and grandpa in my bedroom somewhere. I was scared mom would throw it out if she saw it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alfred’s smile fell, suddenly looking as if Matthew had insulted him. His sad eyes gave Matthew a sick feeling in his stomach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mom wouldn’t do that to you. She knows how close you guys were.” Alfred’s voice was much softer now. “She doesn’t hate him, not really.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wouldn’t blame her if she did.” Matthew mumbled. “I don’t wanna talk about him right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alfred looked hurt, but didn’t push any farther. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Neither boys could blame their mother for hating her father. He had left her with many scars growing up. He and his late wife, their grandmother, had Catherine in their teenage years. While Oliver, her mother’s older brother, would argue it wasn’t that uncommon to have kids that young it felt insane to the twins. Still, it wasn’t easy for any of them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oliver and  Sylvia, the twin’s grandmother and Catherine’s mother, were kicked from their home as soon as their parents found out. Well, Sylvia was. Oliver couldn’t dare leave his little sister all alone though. And Jean, her soon to be husband, had no one else. At least, if he did he didn’t ever speak about them. So, the three moved in together, the couple were married, and the men got jobs. Not that Sylvia was happy about being the stay at home mom, never one to sit still. But, the boys would never make her work in her condition, especially after how sick she became. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jean, their grandfather, had said at the time he had worried their daughter wouldn’t make it. Sylvia was barely eating, feeling far too disgusted by any food she came in contact with. What she did keep down, ended up coming back up. For nine months, all she could do was take care of herself best she could and try to keep her weight from dropping even more. Catherine’s birth wasn’t any better. She was underweight, and was always sick as a child. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sylvia had survived the birth, but her body was far too damaged now. She had spent months in the hospital before one day, she was gone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jean had lost his mind after he lost his wife, he couldn’t cope with it. He began to drink, began to miss work. Soon he was fired and that was finally when Oliver had put his foot down. He started working even more, but Jean had to take care of Catherine while he was away. That was the deal after all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The very first night, Oliver came home hoping to find both his niece and brother in law fast asleep. Jean was in fact asleep, drunk off his ass and passed out on the couch. Catherine was awake, very awake and crying. Oliver had come to find out that for </span>
  <em>
    <span>six hours </span>
  </em>
  <span>she had stayed right there. No food, no water, not even a moment to be held. That was the final straw, Jean was thrown onto the street and told to not come back until he was ready to grow up and be a father. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Catherine had nothing but good things to say about her uncle. He worked himself to the bone so she could have everything she needed, letting himself go hungry most nights. He never married, not even now. Of course, he was in his seventies by now and would say he was definitely not interested now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jean would show up, sometimes. Most of the time he did, Oliver wouldn’t let him see his daughter. Saying he wasn’t ever going to see her if he never got better. Jean always said he would, and Oliver would tell the twins that he knew Jean had tried. But, he was losing his patience, he missed his daughter, the only part of his late wife he had left. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, one day he picked her up from school. Oliver had lost it when he arrived to hear his niece was nowhere to be found. A day later, he finally realized he knew where she’d be. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oliver and Catherine didn’t like to speak about it, but Jean had told Matthew the story everyday from the moment he had met him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oliver had kicked in Jean’s door, terrifying Catherine and Jean in the process. While Catherine hid under a bed, Oliver hurried over to Jean. Before Jean could react, Oliver had knocked the wind out of him in one swing. As Jean laid there, moaning in pain, Oliver screamed at him. Matthew didn’t like to repeat it all, but it ended with a simple sentence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You either hand her over to me and say goodbye, or I will have you arrested and you will never see that child ever again.” Oliver had said, trying to ignore Catharine’s sobs from under the bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jean had no other choice, moving the bed so Oliver could tear the sobbing ten year old from her place on the floor. Catherine had begged to be put down, to be handed back to her father. She had begged him to help her, to not let Oliver take her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But, Jean could only stare, crying himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jean did get better, but not until Catherine was in her last years of high school. The bond had been broken, and she had refused to speak to him most days. But, Oliver had let Jean move back in, in hopes the bills would be easier and Catherine would forgive her father. It didn’t work, causing a rift between her and Oliver for years. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she was nineteen, she ran away. Jean and Oliver had only heard from her again when she had shown up on their doorstep. In her arms were her twins, now age four. For a few years, they all lived together. Then, Catherine moved her and her twins out to live on her own. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had forgiven Oliver, but had never forgiven Jean. Still, she felt it was unfair to tear her children from their grandfather. She knew all too well how it felt to be taken and hidden away from the people she loved. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alfred didn’t dislike his grandfather, but had been quite a mama’s boy growing up. Matthew on the other hand loved his grandfather, spending the weekends with him and his uncle until Jean had moved in  on his own. Matthew had spent every summer with his grandfather, and had been closer to him than even Alfred for a long time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But, he had passed away when Matthew was sixteen. That’s when their mother decided it was time to move, this time a little closer to Oliver. Catherine had said it was to keep an eye on him in case anything happened. But, as he was forced to tear his old room apart, Matthew had never felt more alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There were still so many things Matthew hadn’t seen for years, and there were so many posters and products from his childhood he was forced to tear apart and throw out. His new room now felt more like a stranger's even now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Catherine didn’t talk about her father much, and when she did she had nothing kind to say. Photos and memories were all Matthew had left of his grandfather, and he did his best to keep them away from his mother’s prying eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ready to go?” Alfred asked as the two gathered their trash. “Promise it’ll make you feel better.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Matthew had said, not looking his brother in the eyes. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Apologies that I've now skipped all of April and May. But, the more exciting and most important parts of Matthew's life are going to be in the summer. I couldn't figure out how to have the scene where Lovino and Antonio are planning to see each other in the summer, and then fit something else to make it an interesting chapter. I hate writing conversations and then writing the next day in a single chapter. But, I do plan to make the next chapter slower so you guys don't feel like I've skipped a bunch of important stuff. </p><p>Lately, I've been going through a lot. Yet, the days seem to go by so fast once I'm through with them. April has felt like so much has happened and yet I can't remember much at all. </p><p>This chapter is meant to be a vent for me, about feeling like time is passing by far too fast. As well as for me to vent about a loss.</p><p>One of my closest friends has lost her sister. She had passed away early yesterday morning, the day I post this at least. I can't explain to you how awful it feels to watch as someone you speak to everyday is so grief stricken that they don't want to speak at all. I check my phone so often, seeing if she's said anything at all. Trying to explain to her that she doesn't have to feel guilty for being happy about things while the loss is so recent. Trying to tell her she doesn't need to apologize for needing space, and doesn't need to apologize for wanting to speak about her sister so much or vent. I can't tell you how guilty it makes me feel to grieve the death of someone I had cared so much about, and have to be the rock for her older sister. We had made plans to meet one day, and I don't know how I will handle walking into that house and not having the silence filled with the sound of her sisters voice.</p><p>We knew for awhile that she'd be passing soon, but it doesn't hurt any less. It doesn't make me feel any less guilty to be struggling with my own problems right now. It makes me so angry that I can't speak up about our mutual friend mistreating me while this all happens, and it makes me feel awful that I'm angry I can't talk about it. March is almost over, and I know none of the pain my friends and I are going through will disappear on the first. But, at least we will  never have to survive this March ever again. </p><p>Let's hope April will treat us all well.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>April passed far faster than Matthew had expected. The days seemed so long until you actually reached the end of them, at least that's what Matthew’s mother would say. The thought of it made Matthew’s stomach hurt. It was already May, and July was one step closer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hated July, he didn’t want to think about it at all. But, perhaps, not as much as he hated May. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>May was the month Ludwig, Gilbert’s little brother, had passed away years ago. It would mark three years now, when the twelfth had come. Each year seemed to be a little easier for Gilbert but the sick feeling in his stomach had never truly gone away for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It made the entire group sick, seeing their friend so down. Especially with how outgoing, loud and happy the albino usually was. Even October, the month of Ludwig’s birthday, had never made him feel so down. Not that anyone blamed him or was bothered by it. However, there was a certain bitterness that came with knowing no matter how hard you tried, or what you said, Gilbert wouldn’t feel any better. Oftentimes, it was far too exhausting for Gilbert to hear all the same words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m so sorry.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m here if you need to talk.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He’s in a better place now.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He wouldn’t want you to feel like this.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hated that one the most.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Losing someone close to you, especially someone you had always thought you’d outlive, was a pain that never went away. Some days would be easier than others, sometimes you’d feel guilty for just being happy. Matthew knew it all too well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Especially since the loss of Ludwig wasn’t something anyone had prepared for. He wasn’t sick, there were no warning signs. In the morning he had told Gilbert and his grandfather he loved them, and he’d see them after school. An hour later, Gilbert was called to the office after his principal had gotten a call from his grandfather. Ludwig had gotten into an accident as he was riding his bike to school. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It had happened as Gilbert had made his own way to school, but due to the fact it was a stranger who had called for help, he hadn’t known until his grandfather had made his way to the hospital. Ludwig had passed the second the car had made impact with him. There was no pain, he might not even realized the car was coming before it was all over.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gilbert had blamed himself. He had made his way to home room, maybe annoyed Antonio and joked around with his friends. All while some stranger sobbed into their phone over his little brother’s broken body.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had blamed himself. Blamed himself for not taking Ludwig to school. Blamed himself for waking up late and begging their grandfather to drive him to school instead of Ludwig. Blamed himself for not taking his place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No one was angry with Gilbert when he lashed out at their kind words, especially not Antonio and Francis. They had met Ludwig years ago, the three being childhood friends after all. It had crushed Francis to realize if he hadn’t moved two years before, Gilbert would have had both of his best friends beside him. It crushed Antonio to know that even as he spent every night with Gilbert, letting him cry in his arms, he couldn’t take the pain away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Francis had flown back to his hometown the week of the funeral, but had to leave two days after. Antonio and Francis had always said they would have never forgiven themselves if they hadn't attended the funeral. After all, Ludwig had always felt as if he was their little brother too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gilbert had been a wreck the entire time, and Francis’ guilt had left him in pieces. It had been Antonio, the man who had seen Ludwig everyday. The man who had to physically restrain his best friend when he had met the driver who had taken Ludwig away. The man who had listened to Gilbert cry his heart out every night. The man who had taken twice the amount of notes and had done twice the amount of homework so Gilbert could mourn in peace. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The man who physically bathed Gilbert and forced him to brush his teeth.  The man who made Gilbert eat when all he wanted to do was waste away.  The man who brushed and braided Gilbert’s hair for hours after nights of Gilbert mistreating himself and his body. And it had been Antonio who cut it when Gilbert couldn’t stand to see it anymore the next day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was Antonio who had been the rock for his best friends. It had been Antonio who had only cried when he was alone. It had been Antonio who stayed up every night to comfort his best friends who couldn’t comfort him as well. Francis had always been the one who took care of everyone, been the father figure so many of his friends never had. Antonio had always been the friend who needed help, the self proclaimed crybaby of the group. But, he had grown up in such a short amount of time so he could be there for his friends. And, both hadn’t the words to describe what it meant to them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matthew, Antonio, and Francis knew the most about it. Lovino had known more about how it impacted Antonio than anyone else. Still, every May seemed a little easier. Every day it seemed Gilbert was happier to share more and more stories about his late brother. And everyday they seemed to hurt less and less. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, every May Gilbert wasn’t on the group chat all too much. Now, it made Matthew feel quite lonely. When Matthew wasn’t working, he didn’t do much else but wait for his friends to hang out with him. Now, he felt even lonelier than before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Natalya had started working, on top of their college work. Francis had a business to run, and  even with his family still helping him as much as they could, he found himself drowning in his college work more often than not. Lovino had worked almost everyday now, and was planning to spend his summer with Antonio. Antonio was working hard to prepare for Lovino to fly over and stay, as well as trying to finish his second year of college before June. Matthew was more than sure the couple would be far too busy to be around much in the summer. In all honesty, Gilbert and Matthew had always had the most free time. While Gilbert was preparing to take over his grandfather's company,  whatever it is his grandfather did, he worked less than Matthew did. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On top of it all, Matthew had always spoken to Lovino and Antonio the most. While he had spent a lot of time around Gilbert, in calls making small chat and playing games, Matthew always worried he felt closer to Gilbert than Gilbert felt to him. So, Matthew had always been shy when it came to asking to hang out with the older man. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now that May was here, it meant Matthew would be far more alone than he was used to. This meant he often spent most of his time in the group chat alone, in call listening to music. Just waiting until someone decided to join him and he could feel as if his day wasn’t wasted. Now, it felt as if no one wanted to speak until late at night and was far too tired to speak to him for very long. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was the twelfth now, and no one had spoken much at all. Matthew sat in call now, sighing as the time changed to eleven. Everyone had said goodnight by now, at least in dms. Except for poor Natalya who forgot most nights, but a quick message from Antonio to their older sister assured them all that they had just fallen asleep every night. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gilbert had not spoken at all, other than to tell everyone good morning and goodnight. Not that anyone believed he was going to bed at seven at night, but they all knew that if he wanted their comfort he’d speak up. Still, today would be the hardest day. Matthew had decided that it didn’t matter what today brought. He’d stay in call into midnight to insure Gilbert he wasn’t alone today. This was something the group had done every year, even before Matthew had joined, and Matthew had promised he would be the one to do it this time, even if he did it alone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, this had been the first year something new had happened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Matthew sat there in the call, his favorite songs playing in the background, he heard a familiar ding. Looking up, his eyes had widened. Gilbert had joined. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Gil.” Matthew said, embarrassed by how nervous he sounded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you mind keeping me company tonight?” Gilbert had sounded embarrassed, quieter than Matthew had ever remembered him to be. He almost would have preferred if Gilbert had been crying. Matthew tried to ignore the sick feeling in his stomach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, dear.” Matthew said, his tone more sure. “Let me clear the queue, my music taste is kind of bad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think so.” Gilbert had said, taking a deep breath. “It’s better than what I’ve been listening to all day.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t suppose you’d like to hear </span>
  <em>
    <span>One Direction</span>
  </em>
  <span> play in the back as you cry.” Matthew joked, suddenly feeling his heartbeat in his ears as nothing but silence came from Gilbert.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, it didn’t last long. What started as a chuckle, grew into a loud cackle from Gilbert. Matthew couldn’t help but join in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I suppose you’re right.” Gilbert finally forced out, sounding more like himself now. It made Matthew feel quite warm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, what would you like to listen to?” Matthew had asked, knowing that at least for tonight, everything would be okay. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For a few hours, everything was okay. The two boys making jokes together every so often as soft music played in the background. The sound of Gilbert’s keys every so often as he added another song filling the silence. By three in the morning, Gilbert had said his goodbyes and Matthew had left with a yawn. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before the silence of the night could make Matthew feel anxious again, he was surprised to see another message. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Gil: @matt thanks for hanging with me for so long, I think I’m okay enough to sleep now. Let’s do this again sometime.</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matthew couldn’t help but smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>matt: anytime, gil. anytime you need. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> Matthew couldn’t remember what they spoke about in the morning. It didn’t matter. The next day, Gilbert seemed to be feeling a little better. He never did join another call that month, but he did seem more talkative. And much happier than he was before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>There would still be nights where everyone knew Gilbert would need to be alone, or disappear for a while. But, this year May was surely much</span> easier for everyone.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, as the last night of May came, Matthew couldn’t help but feel hopeless. He knew that as soon as it hit midnight, everyone would feel much better. Gilbert would be back to his old self. Francis and Antonio would feel much less stressed out. And Lovino would have much more time for Matthew now. He should have been happy, but he couldn’t help but feel nothing but dread as midnight came. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, until the sixth, I’m all yours.” Lovino said with a yawn. “I’m all packed up, and don’t have to work at all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m out of school next week too.” Natalya had hummed in response, feeling quite proud of themselves. “We can hang out all summer. When I’m not working at least.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How exciting.” Matthew had forced out, staring down at his shaky hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>July was once again one step closer. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This one is probably the shortest. Kind of wanted to actually work on the prucan development lmao finally. Not my favorite work. However, hopefully I'll have a more interesting update in a few days. I have an idea for a piece that will be from this fanfic, but not from Matthew's POV. </p><p>Also! I made the playlist that Matthew would have made for Natalya. </p><p>https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3jMKSAss9LdrH3oFF9cS72?si=XLom6BosRJWKA_YD-czN5w</p><p>There is one for the fanfic itself, but I'll probably post it later so some songs I have added/might add make more sense. It's kinda just songs I listen to for inspiration.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe this time tomorrow I’ll be in Antonio’s bedroom.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ew, that’s way too much information.”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not like </span>
  <em>
    <span>that, </span>
  </em>
  <span>freak.” Lovino practically hissed. “Matthew, control them.”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want me to do? They’re scary.” Matthew joked, as Natalya gasped in mock horror. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not THAT scary.” Natalya mumbled as they continued to type. “Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping right now? Your plane ride is at seven in the morning and you have to get there at like..four.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re going that early? It’s already ten for you right now.” Matthew knew Lovino wouldn’t miss his plane ride to Antonio for anything. They had been talking about meeting up for years now, and Matthew had never heard them so excited before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna try to be there by five for me. I have never been on a plane before but grandpa said I should always try to get there early.” Lovino said with a yawn. “He woke me and Feliciano up at like five in the morning today to make sure we would all be tired enough to sleep right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Guess it didn’t work.” Natalya teased. “Isn’t your brother bothered by the fact you’re awake right now?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was his choice to sleep in here with me. I just know he’s gonna cry when I leave.” Lovino laughed. “He stole my bed, so technically this is his fault.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matthew had met Feliciano a little after he had met Lovino. He was a sweet kid, and Matthew was comfortable enough to call him his friend. But, he was quite the chatterbox. The two had never been close but every once in a while he’d give Matthew a call to check in with him and ask him to hang out. Not that Matthew was good at the kinda games Feliciano was good at. Who would have known the same man who cried during horror movies was absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>insane</span>
  </em>
  <span> at them? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alfred had met Lovino, but the two had barely spoken to each other over the years. Other than to make sure Matthew was okay and the rare times they ended up playing games together. The two had a pretty distant relationship, especially since Alfred had a huge crush on him years ago. But, Lovino had not gone by ‘Angelina’ in years now. It was an awkward inside joke for the three now. In fact, Lovino had probably been the only one to properly meet Alfred. Other than some hellos. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Antonio was fairly close to Natalya’s older sister, and the group had spoken to her a few times to say hello and check on Natalya. Natalya’s older brother on the other hand had never been quite “friends” with anyone but he popped in every now and again to say hello and cause some trouble by teasing them. Francis and Antonio didn’t have any siblings, though they both surely made up for it by practically adopting everyone else in the group. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna tell Antonio on you.” The new voice made Matthew smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Gil! We didn’t hear you come in.” Matthew said, earning a groan from Lovino.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You guys are so annoying.” Lovino mumbled. “Fine, I’ll go to bed. Goodnight guys.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Love you!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight, Lovi.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Use condoms.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up.” The trio had said together, making Gilbert burst into giggles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With that, Lovino was gone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I’m gonna head out too.” Natalya yawned. “I have to finish this assignment and go to bed, and I never will if I keep getting distracted.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you need any help?” Matthew tried.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Know any math?” Natayla mumbled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do!” Gilbert sounded quite proud of himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d rather die than get help from the poster child of adderall.” Natalya teased. “Goodnight guys, love you or whatever.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And then there were two.” Matthew hummed, trying not to tease Gilbert over his angry mumbles. “What’s the plan for tonight?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As in, for me? Absolutely nothing. I don’t work for two more days so I was just gonna dick around. Why?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, we could play a game. Or watch a movie.” Matthew tried. “We weren’t playing any music because Natalya said it’d make it harder for them to focus.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you like to watch a movie then? I don’t mind anything.” Gilbert was silent for a second before continuing. “Actually, I have the perfect movie. As long as you don’t mind horror.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re insane. It’s like ten at night for me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But it’s one of my favorites.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What kinda person genuinely says one of their favorite movies is a horror one?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a cartoon!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matthew was silent for a moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Coraline?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gilbert only cleared his throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My God...you’re mentally ill.” Matthew teased, causing Gilbert to let out a loud laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes or no? I don’t have all night.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine, set it up and I’ll join the stream.” Matthew chuckled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A familiar noise caught his attention. Silent now, Matthew checked his messages. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Natalya: can I vent real fast?</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna mute cause I can tell it’s gonna be loud real soon. Mom is irritated right now.” Matthew wasn’t sure why he was lying. Yet, as soon as Gilbert assured it was fine he muted himself and brought his attention back to his private messages. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>mattie: yeah, of course! you can always talk to me! </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Natalya: usually i’d just bother antonio, but I’ve felt like I’ve been kinda stepping on lovis toes for a few months </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matthew thought to himself for a moment. Lovino had mentioned being jealous of Natalya a few times in the past. But, he always knew he was being a bit paranoid. After all, the two had been friends for years. And, they had not dated long. Still, Lovino had always felt a bit upset at the fact Antonio would drop everything if Natalya needed to vent. They wouldn’t usually speak to anyone else, no matter how much everyone tried. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had never guessed Natalya would have noticed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Natalya: I’ve just been kinda.. Feeling really down. I feel kinda bad talking about it in the group chat. I’ve always kinda felt like I was the odd one out ya know? </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>mattie: it’s nothing like that! we love you a lot, nat! you mean everything to us. youre the last puzzle piece to this family portrait</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Natalya: haha, thanks kiddo. That means a lot to me</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Natalya: I just….I don’t know how to be happy right now.  I don’t know how to feel like I’m loved. Even though I know I am. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matthew couldn’t help but feel bad. He knew exactly how that felt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>mattie: its okay to need reassurance! we all want you to be happy. Whenever you need us, just let us know</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Natalya: well...is it okay to say i need you right now?</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>mattie: sure! Gil and I are watching a movie. Feel free to join us </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Natalya: ah, ya know what no thanks. I think I’ll just try to sleep. </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Natayla: thank you though, goodnight </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matthew sighed. At least he had gotten her to vent a little. Still, he felt like he hadn’t helped at all. He thought to himself for a moment before smiling. He knew exactly what to do. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>mattie: wait ! I’m gonna make you something</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>mattie: im gonna make you a playlist full of my sad songs I play when im down, and some songs from me to you! </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Natalya: I’d love that. Thank you, Matthew. :)</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you paying attention, Matthew?” Gilbert asked, sounding a bit nervous. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matthew felt his face flush red. Gilbert probably felt like Matthew didn’t care about the movie.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Matthew said, unmuting himself. “Don’t worry. I’ll unmute when my mom lays down.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sighed as he opened Spotify. He really didn’t know why he was lying, especially since he loved spending time with his friends. Still, Natalya needed him right now and he didn’t mind showing them a little bit of love if that’s what they needed!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the time Matthew had finished, the movie was only half way over. Feeling bad but not wanting to explain himself, he offered to show Gilbert one of his favorite movies too. In the end, Matthew got to spend plenty of time with Gilbert. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Until falling asleep a few hours later of course. Luckily while on his phone, instead of hunched over in his desk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few hours later, Matthew woke up to see Gilbert had left. Not before deafening Matthew so no one could wake him up though. And sending him a quick goodnight message. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matthew couldn’t help but smile, his chest feeling warm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Gil: goodnight Mattie! I hope this doesn’t wake you up. But I wanted to sleep and didn’t wanna wake you up to say goodbye. I had lots of fun last night. Let's do it again soon. :) hopefully no one undeafens you and scares you lol (4:35am)</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>mattie: haha thank you gilbert. We should definitely do this again. It's always fun to hang out with you. (Just now.) </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a yawn, Matthew exited out of the app and tried to fall back asleep. </span>
  <span>After all, everyone knew the second Lovino landed there would be plenty of things to read the moment he woke up again. If they weren't 'busy' with each other. Matthew couldn't help but chuckle to himself. They're would be plenty of teasing tomorrow as well. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kind of a useless chapter, but I finally took my ADHD meds again and decided I had to write SOMETHING.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The first two weeks of June went by without much to say. The first week for Matthew was filled with work and everyone preparing for Lovino to leave. The second week was full of more work, due to the fact Alfred had gotten sick, and everyone was trying to ignore how little Antonio and Lovino were actually online to speak to anymore. It seemed everyone was busy lately, even Matthew.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Natalya was getting ready to finish school for the summer, and adjusting to their new job. Francis had been doing the same, Matthew was busy with working nearly everyday, and Lovino and Antonio were far too busy spending time together. Gilbert had spent a lot of time with the pair as well, not living too far from Antonio. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But, by the fourteenth, things had calmed down. Other than Lovino and Antonio, and the things Gilbert teased them for. With most of the group out of school, this year being Francis’ last much to his dismay, the group chat had finally revived itself. At least that’s what Matthew would like to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gilbert had spent most of his time with Antonio and Lovino, something tried not to be too jealous over. He had been friends with Lovino the longest, and still had yet to meet him in person. Then again, the group was a bit spread out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matthew was in Wisconsin, Francis wasn’t too far away in Illinois, Gilbert and Antonio lived in Ohio, Natalya was in New York and Lovino was all the way in Florida. Or at least, he was before he went to stay with Antonio. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>It was a little funny to Matthew, how most of them were pretty close together but most had never met. Of course Francis had grown up with Antonio and Gilbert, and now Lovino had met Antonio and Gilbert. Still, Francis was only a two hour or so drive from Matthew. It was a little silly that they hadn’t at least met up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course, there were always plans, plans for all of them to meet up one day. Hell, Matthew had planned for years to one day live with Lovino and Lovino had always liked the idea, even now when they were no longer ambitious young teens. Of course the plans were a little more realistic now. One day they’d all meet up, Matthew was sure of it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For now, he sat in a voice call all alone and listened to music. Like a loser. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lovino had promised he’d stop by later, catch up with Matthew and hang out with anyone who was awake. But, he had promised to stop by close to nine. It was now eleven, and Matthew was sure the goodnight message from an hour ago was proof enough he looked silly waiting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even Kuma, who was curled up on top of Matthew’s desk, seemed to be teasing him. Or perhaps, had just been tired and wanted to lay down. Matthew chose to believe the cat was smart enough for either. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sound of a familiar </span>
  <em>
    <span>ding</span>
  </em>
  <span> brought Matthew back from his thoughts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Nat: @mattie need some company? </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another </span>
  <em>
    <span>ding </span>
  </em>
  <span>and Matthew was no longer alone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You could have waited for me to respond.” Matthew mumbled, teasing the new arrival. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, yes. Sitting in here all alone listening to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Bug Hunter</span>
  </em>
  <span> is surely not a cry for help at all.” Natalya teased back, clearing the que. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey! I was listening to that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not anymore, we’re listening to my music.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As the first song began to play, Matthew couldn’t help but smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re playing the playlist I made you.” Matthew couldn’t help but feel warm. “I’m really glad you liked it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mmm, some are okay.” Natalya teased. “Some..well, at least I can confirm you’re not faking your depression.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow, that’s not very kind.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not very kind, or wrong. Am I?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you’re worth an answer.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah sure.” Natalya mumbled, letting out a small laugh. “So, what brought on your little depression music session?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matthew felt his smile fall. “I don’t know, I guess I felt a little lonely. Alfred has been busy recovering and sleeping to hang out or go anywhere. So, other than work all I can do is sit in my room and wait for everyone else to speak.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matthew felt a little silly. It wasn’t like Natalya would laugh at him, they knew what kind of person Matthew was. An introvert who still needed way too much attention. It was a little strange for Matthew too. He hated being alone, and would do absolutely nothing but sit and wait if he felt lonely. But, when being forced to be too social, he’d happily excuse himself to still do nothing but feel completely content. Natalya was pretty much the same, except they spoke even less than Matthew did usually. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I get that.” Natalya said after a moment. “I feel as if everyone is so busy lately, but they’re thriving. So, I guess if they don’t need me right now that’s a good thing. Cause that would mean they’re sad, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Or bored.” Matthew mumbled, sighing. “I wish I felt like I was able to catch up with you guys.”</span>
  <span></span>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Catch up?” Natalya asked, the tone of their voice making Matthew feel a bit shy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you know. Everyone here but me, Gilbert and Lovino are in school. Gilbert and Lovino already have plans, or at least backup plans.” Matthew explained, staring down at his hands. “I don’t want to be a downer, but even if Lovino decided he didn’t wanna be with Antonio anymore he’d have his grandpa’s restaurant to run back to.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I guess that’s one way to look at it.” Natalya hummed. “But, we’re not all as calm and collected as you may think, Matthew.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Definitely figured life out more than I have. Gilbert doesn’t even need his job. Francis finished school, Antonio and you are finishing soon.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s a little unfair.” Natalya didn’t seem angry, but did sound a little annoyed. “Gilbert and I didn’t really have a choice.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matthew could feel his face heat up a bit. He wasn’t sure if they were arguing, but whatever they were doing he wanted it to stop. Natalya wasn’t all that wrong after all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Natalya didn’t talk about what they did for school, but Matthew knew it was something their sister picked for them. Natalya had said they were only going to school and work because of their older sister, Katyusha, who had been sort of a mother figure for them and their older brother. Natalya didn’t ever talk about their father very much, but Matthew had heard plenty about their mother. She had died a few years before Matthew had met Natalya, but they had plenty of good memories to share. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matthew did know that Katyusha had moved out as soon as possible, taking her siblings with her and leaving their father alone. Matthew didn’t know too much about him, but Antonio had always said he was awful. Matthew chose to believe him and not ask further. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, just because it seemed Natalya had a plan, it didn’t mean it was the one they wanted. Antonio never talked about it, but everyone knew working in medicine was never something he wanted. Instead it was what was expected of him. Gilbert didn’t have a choice at all, being the only family his grandfather had left. Lovino definitely didn’t want to take over for his grandfather. Francis didn’t have much of a choice either, being the only child he always knew he’d inherit his father’s bakery. At least it was something he grew up enjoying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right, sorry.” Matthew finally said. “I guess that’s a good point.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Exactly, and don’t let me hear you call Francis lucky again. He’s been feeling down enough already.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Francis? What happened?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He had to drop out, remember?” Natalya said this as if they thought Matthew was joking, adding a small laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When was this?” Matthew felt quite embarrassed now. Had he really missed the conversation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, he probably didn’t tell you. I heard it from Antonio, he had talked to Gilbert and him about it.” Natalya let out another awkward chuckle. “I guess I shouldn’t have said anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Antonio told you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And Lovino, since he was there when the call was made.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There was a call in here?!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, they have their own chat. Don’t you, Lovi and Tony have one too?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It hasn’t been active for like a year.” Matthew could hear he was starting to sound more aggressive than he meant to be, but was too upset to care. “So, I’m really the only one who wasn’t supposed to know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t take much offense to it!” Natalya assured. “I’m sure he would have told you sooner or later.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess.” Matthew mumbled, his eyes meeting the new awake Kuma’s. The milky cat stretched, letting out a quiet yawn before sitting up and staring back. Matthew could only let out a small laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hope I didn’t make you upset. I’m sure no one was hiding it from you.” Natalya tried. “I wasn’t supposed to know either, but I had asked Antonio if Francis was upset with me and...well it just slipped.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” Matthew lied, reaching out to take Kuma in his arms. The feline seemed disgusted at the idea, hopping off the desk to run out of the room. Matthew only rolled his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What an asshole.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Me?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh? Oh. Oh, no!” Matthew let out a chuckle. “I was talking about Kuma, he wouldn’t let me hold him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ding.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s up losers?” The familiar voice made Matthew smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Gilbert. You got off work late.” Natayla yawned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I was home two hours ago. But, I went to get food and the lady in front of me was losing her mind. Then, I ate in the car and drove home. I just left the shower.” Gilbert laughed. “Grandpa gave me an earful already, so don’t you two scold me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, welcome back home.” Matthew said, adding another song to the queue. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ew, that one sucks.” Natalya teased. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ding. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ding.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ding.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ding. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop putting me in time out!” Natalya cried, only being met with a laugh from Gilbert as he did it once more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Leave them alone.” Matthew said as Natalya made their way back into the call. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, leave me alone.” Gilbert said mockingly, making Natalya scoff. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ding. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, stop kicking them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That wasn’t me!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, guys.” Lovino said with a yawn.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“LOVI!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Lovimo.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Finally got Antonio’s dick out of your mouth?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gilbert!” Matthew and Natalya cried out in usion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For your information, I’m sitting on it right now.” Lovino teased.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ew, okay. I’m out. Goodnight guys.” Natalya said, not wasting a moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And then there were three.” Matthew chuckled, clicking on his dms. “I’ll tell them we said goodnight.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t stay long.” Lovino mumbled, a bit guilty. “But, I just wanted to tell you that Antonio and I sent your birthday gift a little early.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you couldn’t text him, why? Mister Lovi Ravioli.” Gilbert said, mocking the Italian man’s accent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“First of all, shut up.” Lovino said, the sound of Matthew’s clicking keys almost masking another familiar </span>
  <em>
    <span>ding.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Secondly,” Lovino began as Gilbert joined back, letting out a mock cry. “I sent out Matthew’s, Francis’ and Nat’s gifts early. Well, we both did. I figured we could pack them together since I was here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have added stuff.” Gilbert whined. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let me think. Uhm, I fucking hate you.” Lovino practically spat, making Gilbert burst into a fit of laughs. “It was last minute, well kind of. I mailed everyone’s gifts to Antonio a few weeks ago so we could save money and personalize everything together.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whatever, this is why I hate gay people.” Gilbert mumbled, earning only silence from the other two. “Fuck ya’ll. I’m so funny, I’m the funniest man on the planet.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Edgy humor is dumb.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re dumb and so is your name. Oh, look at me! I wanted to match names with my twin brother!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You could choose any name on the planet and you chose </span>
  <em>
    <span>Gilbert. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I don’t wanna hear anything from you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your best friend's name is Matthew. Like every other transboy our age.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“HEY! This is between me and you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Matthew is on your side though isn’t he?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sitting right here, guys.” Matthew finally said, rolling his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hold on.” Lovino said, ignoring Gilbert mocking him in response. For a moment, Lovino was muted. Then, he was gone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And then there were two.” Matthew mumbled. “Natalya didn’t reply to me and now he left.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you click </span>
  <em>
    <span>send </span>
  </em>
  <span>on your message to them?” Gilbert teased, earning only silence from Matthew. “Oh my God, you forgot to click send didn’t you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I did NOW!” Matthew cried, his face flushing red. “They’re probably asleep anyways.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ding. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>lovi: @mattie @gil sorry I have to go I woke Antonio up and now he wants to watch a movie lmao </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Figures.” Matthew chuckled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should watch one too.” Gilbert said, already starting the stream. “I know the perfect one.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What if I wanted to choose?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh...I mean. Sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just giving you a hard time. Pick whatever you want.” Matthew laughed, suddenly feeling a little nervous. He had been alone with Gilbert on call only a few times in his life, and sure they talked in groups and messaged each other but Matthew always felt a little awkward when he wasn’t around Lovino or Antonio. After all, the two were the only reason Matthew knew anyone else. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, as the movie began Matthew couldn’t help but feel a little more at ease. Gilbert wasn’t a scary guy, he was Matthew’s friend. And if Matthew knew one thing for sure it was that his friends loved him and he loved them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wouldn’t know until a few hours later, but the call would be filled with many laughs, and Matthew would know everything was okay. </span>
</p>
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